Tuesday, September 9, 2008

The Second Biggest Scandal in Green Bay™

I suppose everyone, whether they like it or not, is aware of the scandal in Green Bay over the Brett Favre trade. Not to take anything away from Aaron Rodgers, Favre's replacement, but it was a bad move on the part of the Packers, in my opinion. At best, they handled the situation poorly. At worst, they were sleezy and disingenuous. The fact that the Packers hired former White House press secretary Ari Fleischer before negotiations began, in fact, before it was announced that Favre wanted to come back, to be their spokesperson for the duration, is a clear indication that they knew they were behaving badly and dishonestly and needed help spinning it. But that's the Biggest Scandal in Green Bay™ and not what I want to write about at this time.

The Second Biggest Scandal in Green Bay™ is . . . (drum roll, please) . . . PartyHouses™! Yes, you read that correctly, PartyHouses™. It seems that Rich Bastards have figured out that there is a residential neighborhood right across Lombardi Avenue from Lambeau Field, and they could buy those houses, renovate them and rent them out for Big Bucks on game days. The Rich Bastards, or the highest bidders, can have their own private "Tailgate Parties" without being forced to mingle with the riffraff, zip over to the stadium for the game (or stay at the PartyHouse™ and watch it on the new big-screen TVs that are being installed) and zip back for more bacchanalian excess. Now, that may not sound like too big a deal, but let's examine the situation a little more closely.

First, the neighborhood is zoned residential, not commercial. The houses in question are supposed to be occupied by the primary resident, whether it be an owner or a renter. Renting them by the day, weekend, week or month is in strict violation of the zoning, but Money always seems to get its way, particularly when any opposition is, well, Not Money.

Second, it's a pretty quiet neighborhood, and these PartyHouses™ are expected to be jam-packed with people who want to PARTY! The new owners are almost all from out-of-town or out-of-state, and you can be sure they don't give a rat's left butt-cheek about the residents of the neighborhood. They just see it as an opportunity to make a bundle of easy cash. Who's going to be responsible for the behavior of the Partyers? Who will pay for the damage the Drunken Cretins inflict on the neighborhood?

Third, all the houses in the neighborhood are one-story ranches. All of them. Up until now, that is. The houses that are being turned into PartyHouses™ are often having a second story added on to them. Is there any value to the view (of Lambeau Field) that people used to have before it was blocked by the PartyHouses™? Did anyone consult with the people who actually live in the neighborhood before adding the extra stories to these houses? Does anyone care that they are now completely out-of-scale with the rest of the neighborhood?

During our recent visit to my sister in Green Bay, we walked the three blocks (it was a difficult trek, but no amount of hardship is too great to bring this important information to you, dear reader) to get a look and a few photos.

This is a typical house on Shadow Lane. Note the glorious view.

Here's one of the PartyHouses™ as seen from Shadow Lane. You used to be able to see Lambeau Field from this vantage point. Note the out-of-state plates on the big honkin' SUVs parked in front and in the driveway (click on the photo if'n you want to enbiggen it).

Here's the same PartyHouse™ as seen from the other side (across Lombardi Avenue in the Lambeau Field parking lot). Note the size of the house immediately to the left.

Here's another. This one doesn't have the second story (yet), but look at that cute deck they put on top of the garage for your partying pleasure.

Yet another, as seen from Lombardi Avenue, with the second story again.

Here's one of those drunken fans I was telling you about, doing what drunken fans love to do most. Right on your lawn. Eeewwww!

As long as I'm at it, let's enjoy some more sights from
the Holy Land, Lambeau Field.


The Fan Code of Conduct.
Nice, isn't it?

Vince Lombardi, facing the PartyHouses™.
"This is definitely not my father's NFL!"

Curly Lambeau, pointing at the PartyHouses™.
"Get those things out of my sight! Now! I mean it! That will be 20 laps!"

So, that's it. The Second Biggest Scandal in Green Bay™. Aren't you glad you read this blog?


Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

The Packers did the absolute right thing in getting rid of Favre. His days there were done when announced his retirement. He then went back on his word so he had to go.

gomonkeygo said...

Yeah! Rich Bastards! Give 'em hell, Ed.

BTW, the puking dog picture is the best thing I've ever seen on the Intertubes. Did you take it?

Ed said...

Dr. Monkey: I guess we'll just have to disagree on that one, and that's okay. My reasoning for why Favre should have stayed in Green Bay is long winded, so I'll leave it at that. Of course, if the Packers make it to the Super Bowl this year, I will be the first to admit I was wrong.

Gomonkeygo: Call me a classist, but I think Rich Bastards are destroying the world.
Yes, I took that photo, against the wishes of the rest of my family. That's our dog doing the puking. It had to be documented.

Anonymous said...

Can't a person -- er, dog -- get a little privacy anymore? Sheesh!


Ed said...

Molly: Sorry, but if you're going to tie on a puker in a public place, then, no, you're not entitled to a little privacy.